I've found strength in The Truth.
The truth is an ugly thing. Sometimes disfigured, and as a result, lonely.
The truth spends a lot of time alone, because those that are actually willing to admit to the truth are punished for their lack of tact.
One thing about the truth is...it will always find you. Pushing it away -angers the fire, causing an eventual blow up of extreme proportions.
The truth is always naked. It's constantly waiting for you to admit to yourself, and others, that it exists.
MY truth is...I'm scared to leave. I'm scared to be left to my own resources - having been a SAHM for 5 years. I'm terrified of being part owner in the downfall in my marriage. I want to be the savior, the conqueror of all the wrongs committed.
The truth is...The affair is not the reason for the downfall of my marriage. Of course, it is a very real issue that spawned from a lack of emotional connection, and open communication in my relationship. It's not the reason.
The truth is...Sometimes love isn't good enough. Sometimes hard work and elbow grease are not enough. Sometimes the alignment of all the stars and planets produces nothing more than a brief moment of happiness. Sometimes you live for the brief moments of happiness, and then you figure out - My happiness is connected to another human being. And the truth is...
That's why you're unhappy.
Happiness is a state of mind. It's the choice, with experience, to be resilient. Why do I keep making choices that go against my happiness?
Finding strength is facing the truth, and the unknown. I've never been good with ambiguity.
But I'm going to try.