Well, so THAT was stupid. The idea that a casual relationship could really transpire. I should have guessed - should have known...
I hadn't talked to Funnyman for a few days, because I told him I would be busy. We sorted out that we would just catch up when things calmed down a bit. Two days went by and I got a late email - telling me he was online if I wanted to talk for a bit. He wasn't around by the time I got the message, and I was feeling disappointed. Of course, I handled it fine - all in stride.
I had a busy Saturday morning - soccer pictures and game, as well as, spending the morning with Freckles, and then shopping for a birthday present. I decided to chill out at home after the madness when Funnyman gets a hold of me. He, of course, tells me about his fun pre-halloween drunken night. I'm starting to feel a little upset.
It's not that I felt jealous, or even upset that he went out. We're not dating - whatever, do what you want. I think what bugs me is the yo-yo I'm feeling, and it feels pretty familiar. One minute I'm his friend to confide in, and the next I'm a love interest. I, of course, want him to be open - but I don't like what I'm hearing. It's just not me. I don't DO drunken nights and it's bugging me...bad.
Yet, instead of just stepping up and telling him how I felt, I did what any mature adult would do and started to SHUT DOWN. He could tell something was up and even asked but I couldn't articulate what I was feeling. I just told him that the relationship was a little weird due to our frequent talking and not really knowing what direction the relationship was going.
And then he admitted it - He *wanted* me.
I asked: For sex?
Him: Not JUST sex, but neither of us is ready for a relationship
Me: I don't DO casual sex.
Him: *laughing* I don't like to plan things
Why didn't I just say: this sounds like we're after two different things? Why didn't I hang up the phone right then?
When I finally did, try to tell him how I felt - I just ended up feeling worse...I felt embarrassed. Maybe I was thinking too much, maybe I was over analyzing things, but the truth of the matter is...we DO want different things. And if we're just friends that's fine, but just friends really isn't the option I thought it was.
Yes, everyone was right - I'm not ready for this. Most importantly, I knew it - That's what the ICK was about and, again, didn't listen.
The bright side: I never did sleep with him.