Sounds...well...perfect in my book.
There was just one thing - there was something out in the car and he asked if I could get it.
In that moment, I didn't know what to do - laugh, cry, or tell him to shove it. After biting my lip and following through - I was upset. I tend to act then come back later with my protest (A-HA!).
In that moment, I realized several things. First, there is probably not a future with this man. He is a very awesome person - someone who listens, communicates, and asks for what he wants (WHAT?). Yet, I felt uncomfortable with his request.
Second, I realized - Life and love don't work in the logical realm. It doesn't show up with flowers, and take you on 3 dates before magically you both feel ready to have sex. It works at it's own pace, it looks like many different things. It's give and take.
It may be sitting on the couch at midnight eating oreos. It may even be splitting the cost of a pizza, and fooling around on the living room floor. This man and I met in unusual circumstances, on a twisted journey, that ultimately led to me discovering some amazing things about myself.
The thing is...love is how you feel when you are around the person, if you feel accepted or not. Can you be yourself? Do you have to play a role? Can you actively express how you feel and your needs/wants? Does the person encourage you to grow and embrace the change of the relationship?
This person DID, and the relationship DID, but part of that change also meant not controlling it and let it come to it's natural end.
We try to put love and happiness into this box - controlling what it looks like. Like we're supposed to grow up, get married, have children, take care of the children while tending to the marriage. Or we're supposed to go to college, have our crazy years, then be responsible.
There are so many "rules," and so many ways that we expect life to look like - and if we follow this formula, we'll find happiness. But there is no rulebook! For every person helped, there is a person who feels indifferent about a method or road for happiness.
There is no way we are supposed to "be" - because in all the definition...we're going to have to live LIFE...and life is crazy sometimes. The plans we make don't work out, people fall short of our expectations but exceed in other areas BEYOND our expectations and it is WE (not others) that have to figure out what we are willing to compromise. In turn, we have to be OPEN to seeing that possibly someone/something will show up in our life at a moment that perhaps seems so untimely - but it turns out it's just what you need.
And it may not be forever and that's OK, because many of us going through separation or divorce have found that forever isn't all it's cracked up to be.
WE have to be open to finding OUR happiness, whatever that looks like, but we cannot do that through lists and definitions - we can do it through openness, and willingness to let life BE...by learning and growing along the way. It is about constantly finding more of yourself, being comfortable with who that is, and finding ways to teach others how to treat you.
Life is about change, and we may not always do it perfectly, but we learn from our mistakes and move on.
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Just dropping by to say hello and to wish you well in the New Year.
ReplyDeleteOne thing that I've learned is that all relationships aren't meant to be forever. Some people are only in our lives for a certain reason, and when that reason is gone, then the relationship is supposed to come to an end. Sometimes I think we make it worse for ourselves by hanging on to something that we really should let go.
ReplyDeleteWhat Momma Sunshine said here is right-on - and something I am learning too...not all relationships are meant to be forever, or need to be. I think it's a hard thing to adjust to, after NOT being single for so long, and I grapple with it too. I think your points are VERY valid though too, because I wouldn't want my man to ask me to go out at midnight in the rain to get something out of the car- at least not SUGGEST it (if I go on my own volition, that's one thing!), especially so early in a relationship ;-) Some sense of chivalry should still be out there ;)
ReplyDeleteOh my yes! Momma Sunshine is spot on with what she said.
ReplyDeleteAnd its true! We keep shoulding all over ourselves and next thing we know, we're knee deep in "should"!
Document your feelings. Well, I guess that's what you're doing by blogging. But I also learned to document my feelings when I'm getting into a relationship. It helps me to stay sane so that I remember why it did or didn't work out.
You're all kinds of awesome. :)