Familiar Patterns

After saying goodbye to the up/down relationship - I started talking with Freckles again about a possible reconciliation.

We've been spending time together. It's been sort of eye opening.

After reading the trusty Baggage reclaim - I realized this very line IS me...

"You may also find that you are inadvertently disrespectful to others as you impose your vision of things on them, tell them the changes that you expect, or try to force your love on them."

I did this throughout my entire marriage to Freckles. I believed he had some really good qualities - stability, honesty, and independence. I thought I could teach him the rest. Little did I know, my own dishonesty with myself was attracting the same in a partner.

Freckles and I still have difficulty with honesty.

The up/down relationship had the same problems. I enjoyed how he listened to me, adhered to SOME of my boundaries, and was kind. Yet, there was a high level of avoidance and "feeling good" that he put value on that I didn't...or I didn't think I did - until I thought about my actions during our relationship. I guess I was guilty as charged.

I made a list of all the things I valued in a partner, and I went through to do an honest assessment if I really felt that I lived those values...What do you think the result was?

I remember writing a post [funny how you can never find those pesky things when you need them] about the fact that when you accept someone - they are as is. It is their choice to grow and change...complaining about their faults only makes the expression of your feelings less valid. It's YOUR responsibility to choose what you will accept.

I've accepted far too less in the past. I'm working on positive boundaries and a more honest assessment of myself. Today, I'm choosing love, kindness, and respect.