Now both of us have playful banter, and recently he tried to hook me up with a friend but I think we scared the other guy off with our chemistry. So, it's not completely out of no where. However, as I was examining the feeling I had last night - I was lonely, I was scared, and I was nervous because things with Freckles just don't feel comfortable.
I was completely using some fantasy of schoolboy to detract from the pain I was feeling regarding my "marriage" and the ending of the up/down relationship. Plus, I was getting off on this new attention - like I was worth something because of it.
*sigh*
The reality is...I am in pursuit of my own self-worth. I am spending time alone to try and figure this part of me out.
I'm not really sure where to start this journey, but I do have some reprogramming to do...
I don't need a man to make me whole.
Having a man doesn't make me a better person.
Having the man is the icing on the cake - I need to bake the cake first.
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Love that analogy - go bake that cake girl!! the icing is the best part (okay, the tastiest? ok that sounds bad, either way! Guess my mind is in the gutter too? ;-) ) xo!
ReplyDeleteI'm going to be different on this view.
ReplyDeleteI don't think it's the icing. I see each person as an ingredient in the cake. we work together to form this perfect awesomeness... One bringing the flour, the other the eggs, the milk and oil... and the icing? the icing is how everyone will see in the two of you what they desire.
If I have a women be just the icing, then I can change the icing. and if I didn't like it I could change her to be buttercream, coconut, or cheesecake. No... I want the women to part of my cake. Something that will never change.
Lol... of course this is just my opinion.
I do believe your focus should be on yourself and finding out what makes you happy, what makes you feel fulfilled. You'll know when you're ready for a relationship and what you want that relationship to look like. In the meantime, fantasies are allowed ... the more the better. IN fact, they may even help you on your quest.
ReplyDeleteYou must find happiness within yourself first.
ReplyDeleteA mate is definitely something to enhance one's life and with the right one...make's life better.
First and foremost, however, you do NOT need a man to make life happy....THAT you can do yourself...in fact, THAT is something only YOU can do!
Good Luck!!!