FEAR.
Fear paralyzes me, and it has been instrumental in me giving Freckles too many chances.
In counseling, though, I was confessing my need to stay with Freckles and the desire to still be with the up/down relationship.
Freckles is stability and a "normal" life. Up/down is Freedom and living life for me.
I think I got sick so I could truly understand what the single life meant. It meant relying on me.
It didn't mean being free of worries, or hardships, or pain. It meant freedom to learn how to rely on myself, how to make ends meet, and how to encounter loneliness.
My counselor reminds me - regardless of support, I AM doing it alone.
Freckles still feels like an option though, and the next step is taking him completely off the table.
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I hear ya. Fear is a HUGE one for me, as well.
ReplyDeleteThe thing about fear is that unless you beat it, it just keeps coming back. Dealing with one fearful issue or another is just fixing the symptoms, not the problem itself.
Hang in there.
*hugs*