So...today...I applied for my own insurance.
Now I know it seems like a small step in the grand scheme of things but it symbolized my desire to do SOMETHING. Maybe it's not definitive or even a sign that something will change, but it was something small that I could do, today, in order to get moving forward.
I am ashamed to say that I went back to the up/down relationship this summer, and now the finality of it all seems real.
I felt good with this man. He had a way of making my whole body just FEEL good. I hadn't had that in years...so I indulged, over indulged. It certainly reminded me of Eat. Pray. Love. where she finds herself unable to be balanced every time she is with a man. This type of imbalance causes so many problems. My health dove into the depths of darkness to warn me. I didn't listen. I wanted to be so far away from Freckles, I latched onto this man who had a connection with me.
Unfortunately, I still suffer from sore throats, nipple pain, occasional pelvic pain, and I'm doing the Candida detox from a year of excessive antibiotics.
Yes, I'm not better. I'm concerned my insurance application will be denied or heinously expensive simply because I've had so many health issues this year. Fortunately, prior, I had not once used my insurance.
We'll see, I cannot control it, so I release it. The worst that can happen is they deny me.
Here's to creating positivity and moving forward, whatever that means.